Hi "Splane"
I was in exactly the same situation about 10 years ago. Fortunately for me two things came together that made it pretty easy for me to fade and keep all my friends.
- I had a problem with one of the elders, he was wrong and the rest of them knew it.
2. I was fighting depression and anxiety (aren’t we all when we first learn that everything we had been taught from childhood was a lie)
I did not hide the depression/anxiety. I let them know that large groups of people got me on edge. I skipped two meetings and went to one, skipped three and went to one and so on. I always went to memorial. Every now and then a family member will ask me to go to the hall with them. I don’t fight it, but they know exactly how I feel.
We have an unspoken truce. I don’t try to convert them and they treat me as good as ever. I go to maybe two meetings a year now. Just got back from a weekend with friends that are still very “theocratic”. Had a great time. We just avoid the subject. If they bring it up, I stay noncommittal and change the subject as soon as I can.
It has worked well for me. The hard part is not trying to tell them how wrong the org is. That was really tough in the beginning, but with time away from it all now I care less and less. They do have friends and family and if they were to leave it would be horrible. For me at least this way works.
What will happen in the future? I don’t know, but so far so good. Just every now and then throw them a bone by going to the hall with them. At least now that everybody is using ipads/iphones you can just read a book to kill time during the meeting.
That is how I personally faded away cleanly. I have now been out so long that I am really at minimal risk for being DF’d since I am not considered part of the congregation any longer. I went to a funeral recently and saw a lot of the old congregation. Everyone was nice, friendly and no pressure at all.